Strange inconsistencies in the person’s relating and speaking

This is a section of a longer paper. There is a roadmap for the entire paper, and you can download the PDF.

Firstly, strange inconsistencies start to appear in the way they relate and speak—inconsistences that begin to accumulate and become more and more obvious over time. For example, you might observe that they will say one thing to one person, but another contradictory thing to another person. Or they will make promises and commitments to a person, and then appear entirely to forget they have done so later, especially when it is not convenient for them to follow through.

These inconsistencies are normally papered over or ignored by people close to them, because in most other ways the person seems fine, and indeed often quite gifted and effective. After all, all of us make mistakes, and all of us occasionally forget promises and commitments we have made. There is no reason to get upset about every small inconsistency, or we’d never be able to relate to anyone. Remember, we all know that relationships work when we think the best of others, even when something seems a bit odd, and when we take people at face value and at their word. Moreover, as Christians we are in the business of seeking to deal first with the plank in our own eye before the speck in someone else’s eye (Matthew 7:3–5) and so we strive to be those who bear with one another and to be quick to forgive, like our Lord Jesus (Colossians 3:13). However, in the case of individuals exhibiting SBCMB, the inconsistences begin to pile up and become more evident over time. Furthermore, when issues are raised, the individuals seem not to seriously acknowledge their inconsistencies—rather, they tend to consistently downplay them, or defend themselves and accuse others of being overly picky, or come across as simply humble and vulnerable and unfairly victimised.

Read the next section: Crazy-making: Increasing confusion among people in the person’s sphere of influence (including reports of “gaslighting”)

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To read the whole paper: Slow-burn crazy-making behaviours