Be very clear on your personal boundaries

This is a section of a longer paper. There is a roadmap for the entire paper, and you can download the PDF.

It is very important, when dealing with those exhibiting SBCMB, to ensure that the boundaries you have with them are reasonable and exceedingly clear. You will also need to keep reinforcing these boundaries in the face of multiple attempts to bypass or transgress them. For example, state what you are willing to do and not do in any given situation. Realise, as we have described above, that they may ignore these boundaries, or not accept them as legitimate, or forget that you have stated them, or subtly ridicule them as silly, or continue to question them as if you have some ulterior motive for stating them, or complain that they are being victimised by them, or look for alternative ways to transgress them. Thus, in the end, you may need to put up an extraordinary boundary, for example by cutting off contact.

If you do this, it is quite possible that they will then go to others and portray themselves as a victim in the situation. Thus, if you do set up an extraordinary boundary, you will probably need to be prepared to give a brief but clear explanation to anyone else who has been co-opted into their program and comes to you asking for an explanation. You don’t have to explain all the details, and beware of the temptation to gossip, but remember it is not gossip to express how you are affected by a person’s behaviour towards you.

Read the next section: Be very clear on the truth—don’t let them define reality

Note well: Because of time and energy constraints, we’re not personally able to respond to any queries or comments about this paper. So please realise in advance that if you send us a message about this paper, you are unlikely to receive any response from us.

To read the whole paper: Slow-burn crazy-making behaviours